a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
