my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
