Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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