bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
