Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
