She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I think my vagina is haunted
Only a mothe r could love this liver
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
