So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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