im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm passing your future prison.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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