Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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