I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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