This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
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