why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Randomize
