what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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