i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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