Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
