She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
