I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
