If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference