look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?