Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I could fuck to npr.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
