hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going