it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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