should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
