If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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