U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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