Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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