I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
what day is it and did you see me today?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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