I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
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morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
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There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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