We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
