I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
