Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
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