apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
