At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Shame - the story of my life.
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