Have you finally orgasmed yet?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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