The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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