I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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