I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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