Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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