I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
