they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
