Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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