You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
