does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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