Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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