I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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