Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It's rum buckets o'clock
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
