I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
