Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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