Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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