im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
