I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Damn victory sex feels great
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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