Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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