Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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