I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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