I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
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But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
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can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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