Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
