i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
