we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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