One girl and one boy is just not enough.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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