you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
