I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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