I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I AM VODKA MAN
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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