I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
