yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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